I’ve struggled with anger my whole life. Anger at people, the world at large, myself. But the biggest part I struggled with was my anger with God. Being angry with God was complicated. I was so angry at the things He allowed, angry that I was born, angry at what people had done.

But I also knew that whatever happened, God is sovereign and knows all which lead to even more anger at Him and guilt at me. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I shouldn’t be angry or bothered. God was somehow in control even if I didn’t understand it fully. But He chose to make me a human with this brain so why shouldn’t I be angry then?

The cycle went on and on and on.

Now that I have a real relationship with God, this has been more of a challenge than I thought it would be. I understand God more now than I ever have. I know that He truly is sovereign and is working everything out for my good. But somehow that makes it more frustrating. I’m in a season of radical obedience (or at least I’m trying to be – it’s a moment by moment recommitment) and it feels like everything is falling apart. I keep asking if this is for my good, why are things so bad? Why are things so painful? How is this going to help me? What am I supposed to be learning here?

Then I get trapped in the guilt cycle of just needing to trust Him and being angry at Him is wrong and all that.

But what I’m realizing more and more is that God knew who He made. He knew what my brain would be like and He knew that I would struggle.

God ain’t dumb. He knows the humans He created.

I don’t say that as an excuse for us to be disrespectful or unkind to Him (or anyone else) but to help us understand that God doesn’t get angry with us for doubting and getting angry.

Think about Thomas after Jesus rose from the dead. He didn’t believe that Jesus had come back and refused to believe until he saw Jesus with His own eyes. Jesus didn’t condemn him for not believing. Instead He allowed Thomas to gaze upon the holes in His hand and the wound in His side.

I’m not saying that doubting God is a GOOD thing – not at all.

What I am saying is that God isn’t mad or angry with us when we doubt. And the anger we feel toward God comes from doubt. Doubting His plan, His sovereignty. That in and of itself isn’t good. James 1:6 says that “the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” (ESV)

Not giving it to God is a problem

But sitting in the fact that we doubted, that we were angry and then drowning in guilt is a problem. I did a full podcast episode on how guilt is keeping you stuck in one place and how it is not what God wants for your life. Philippians 4:6 tells us to “do not be anxious about anything” (ESV) so sitting in anxiety about our doubt isn’t Biblical or godly, either. Philippians 4:6 continues to say “in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

So instead of spiraling down into guilt, give it to God. Take those feelings of doubt and anger to Him. Be honest and raw and open. He already knows how you feel anyway. So why bother trying to hide it or cover it up?

Anger Isn’t a Problem

Ephesians 4:26 tells us to “be angry and do not sin;” Anger in and of itself isn’t a problem. It’s what happens when we don’t handle the anger which is why Paul continues the verse with “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” This doesn’t mean that if you’re still angry the next day you’ve done it wrong.

I love what BibleRef.com says about this:

The focus is not on the literal sunset, as if there’s a certain time of day when all aggravations have to be ignored. Rather, the point is not to let time go by before dealing with anger. Believers are to make dealing with anger a priority. Otherwise, bitterness or the desire for vengeance can grow, leading to more sinful thoughts and actions. 

Taking your anger with God to God will help you avoid growing bitter. 

Ephesians 4:31 tells us that that bitterness should be “put away” from us. Bitterness is a close cousin of jealousy and leads to more dissatisfaction in our lives, leading us to be more miserable, falling farther and farther away from God.

This is the plight I found myself in. Growing up, I was angry at God and never dealt with it. I just sat in it until I grew so bitter I didn’t even know what happiness felt like. But what I wish I knew then is exactly what I’ve been saying here – that it’s ok that I was angry. All I had to do was give it to Him in all it’s rawness. I didn’t have to clean up my words or pretend I didn’t feel certain things. I didn’t have to have it all together, it didn’t have to be so black or white. All I had to do was trust that He was big enough to hold it all. And He is.

The fact of the matter is that God loves you when you’re mad at Him.

He loves you when you hate Him. He loves you when you’re ready to throw it all away, He desperately wants for you to know just how loved you are.

God doesn’t sit from His throne judging us mere mortals. He knew exactly how we’d feel and He sent Jesus to cover and fulfill any part of the law that we were unable to.

So how do you handle being angry with God?

First, you accept it.

Let yourself feel all the feelings. If you need to, write it out. When I struggle to pray, pulling out my journal is the first thing that I do. I write it all down and let myself say whatever it is I need to say.

Second, let Him have it.

Give God all of your raw feelings and emotions. Say what you need to say for however long you need to say it. He wants to hear it all. In fact He loves when we trust Him with the parts of ourselves that we don’t love or even like. When we turn to Him, He listens. Always. He won’t get mad at you. Let it all out. This was and still is the hardest part for me wrap my head around. He isn’t going to react how my parents reacted. He isn’t going to react like my friends acted. He’s going to act like the wonderful, good, sovereign God He is and absolutely blow my mind with His goodness.

Third, repent.

Thank Him for hearing you out and ask for forgiveness for doubting. Ask Him to guide you in this process of letting this go, of moving forward, whatever healing looks like for you.

Fourth, accept that He has forgiven you.

If you haven’t listened to this podcast episode on guilt yet, do so here. This is more important than you know and will absolutely change your life once you do.

Fifth, show gratitude.

Thank Him for hearing you out, for forgiving you for doubting, for being the One you can go to at any time. When you show gratitude, it increases your intimacy with Him which in turn helps you process your anger.

And by the way, you can be angry and show gratitude at the same time. You don’t have to wait until you’re not angry to show gratitude. In fact, the more you lean into gratitude, the quicker the anger will pass through.

Sixth, repeat.

This isn’t a one and done process. You’re not going to never be mad at God again. You’re human in a broken world with an incredible God that you don’t fully understand. Of course you’re going to be angry at Him. But the more you release it the easier it will be to push through.

I understand this is all so much easier said than done. But the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll have that relationship with God that you’ve been craving.