I ran from this for years. Not because I did not believe in God. Not because I did not know what He was asking. I ran because obeying Him meant being seen, and for most of my life I wanted the opposite. I wanted to be invisible. This is the testimony of the Me and Jesus Podcast.

But this is the part that still blows my mind. God does not stop calling you just because you keep running. He is persistent. He is patient. And when He has something for you to do, He will keep tugging until you finally say yes.

This is the story of why this podcast exists, why I named it Me and Jesus, and why I am not doing this as a cute little side project. This is obedience.

It Isn’t a Fluffy Podcast

I have learned that when God calls you to speak, He is not calling you to perform.

He is calling you to tell the truth.

The goal of this podcast is to talk about Jesus in a real way. Honest. Direct. Sometimes messy. Sometimes heavy. Always rooted in love. This will not always be a cozy, feel-good vibe. We are going to talk about things that made me say, “Wait, Lord. Are we really going there?”

Yes. We are.

And if you are the kind of person who has felt like you do not fit the typical Christian mold, I want you to know you are not alone here.

This space is for the weirdos. The outcasts. The people who have felt like they do not belong.

No Condemnation Here

I want to make something really clear from the beginning.

This podcast is not here to condemn anyone.

Conviction is different than condemnation.

If the Holy Spirit convicts you, that is a gift. That is movement. That is God pulling you toward freedom.

Condemnation is shame. Condemnation pushes you away from God. Conviction draws you closer.

I will call sin what it is, but it will always be through prayer, love, and a genuine desire for you to experience the life Jesus died to give you.

Why I Do Not Look Like a “Christian Influencer”

I know some people will have thoughts about my appearance. Blue and purple hair, a septum ring, stretched ears and piercings. This is who I am.

I have dropped to my knees and asked God directly, “Do I need to change the way I look?”

Every time, the answer has been no.

God made me this way for a reason. And I believe I will not reach the people He has put on my heart if I try to become someone else to make other people comfortable.

If you have ever felt judged based on how you look, how you dress, how you talk, or the kind of life you came out of, I need you to hear this:

You are welcome here.

I’m Not a Biblical Scholar

I have grown up in church, but I am not a scholar. I do not know everything. No one does. And anyone who claims they do is someone you should run from.

I will never pretend to be the final authority.

My goal is to be a starting point.

A launching pad.

A place that gets you hungry for the Word, not dependent on a person.

You cannot build your relationship with Jesus by only listening to me. Or only listening to your pastor. Or only listening to popular teachers.

You have to open the Word for yourself.

The Problem With Hand-Me-Down Faith

There is a phrase Priscilla Shirer uses that stuck with me: hand-me-down faith.

I grew up poor. We were homeless a few times. Hand-me-downs helped us survive. They were useful and necessary.

But there comes a point when you realize you want something that is yours. Something chosen for you. Something that fits you.

That is what your faith needs to become.

This podcast can encourage you. It can challenge you. It can help you see things differently.

But it cannot replace your relationship with Jesus.

I want you in Scripture, asking questions, learning how to hear God for yourself.

Why It’s Called Me and Jesus

The name came from an old song by Stellar Kart called “Me and Jesus.” I listened to it in high school, and the message never left me.

The heart of it is simple. When life gets hard, you are not alone. You have me and Jesus.

Not in a cheesy way. In a real way.

Jesus is not distant. He’s present. He cares, He cries with you, He celebrates with you. Jesus wants relationship, not performance.

And I also want you to know you have community here, too. Not because I am anything special, but because God uses people to remind us we are not alone.

Called Since Childhood, Running Since Childhood

I have been called to this for a long time.

My mom told me I was prophesied over as a baby. Then again when I was about three. Over and over, the message was the same. I would preach, speak, teach the Word.

That should have made sense, but it did not, because I was a shy kid.

I was quiet, avoided eye contact. I wanted to disappear.

So when people said I would speak, I thought, “Absolutely not.”

And I ran.

The Parts of My Story I Used to Keep Hidden

There are pieces of my story that shaped everything.

As a child, I was a victim of CSA. I am not going into details here, but it introduced me to pornography, and I was addicted for a long time.

That pain created a void.

Instead of running to God, I ran from Him.

And I tried to fill the God-void with attention from men.

From about age twelve to twenty-three, I was stuck in the abusive relationship cycle. My first physically abusive relationship happened when I was seventeen. I am grateful I made it out alive.

I used to feel hurt that he got bored with me and left.

Now I look back and see God’s protection all over it.

Married at Nineteen, Divorced Young, Single Mom Life

I got married at nineteen. Not my smartest decision.

But it gave me my son, who is now almost ten, and I will always be grateful for that.

I became a single mom young, and my mental health was not stable. My whole life I struggled with suicidal ideation, different forms of eating disorders, self-harm, and constant desperation to feel wanted.

I thank God all the time that I am still here.

Truly.

There are so many ways my story could have ended. The fact that it did not end that way is grace. It is only grace.

The Damage of Purity Culture

I was not planning to write about this, but it is part of my story, and it matters.

Purity culture, the way I experienced it, was harmful.

I was a victim as a child, and then I heard adults talk about sex like anyone who had “done things” was gross, used, broken, unwanted, and rejected by God.

So I assumed that was me.

I carried the belief that I was dirty and already ruined.

And that belief shaped the decisions I made for years.

If you relate to that, I need you to hear this clearly:

You are not broken or dirty or used up.
God wants so much more for you.

Moving to Missouri Changed Everything

A few years ago, my family packed up and moved from Washington State to Missouri.

Leaving was a blessing.

It was also hard.

It was like going cold turkey.

I could not keep leaning on old patterns or running to the same people. Filling the void the same ways didn’t work – I had to face myself.

I told myself I was done with dating apps. In my experience, they were garbage. I also knew deep down that if God had someone for me, He was going to bring that person in a way I could not manufacture.

Even with that decision, it was hard. I got angry and questioned God. I still ran.

But He kept pulling.

The Fast That Brought Me Back

I had been drifting for a while, but everything changed when my church did a fast.

That was the season where I reconnected with God in a way that was not performative. Not emotional hype. Real reconnection.

The last several years had been painful because I realized I did not understand romantic love. I had relied on sexual connection. I did not know intimacy outside of that.

God began rebuilding my understanding of love through friendship first.

He brought me my best friend, and I truly believe God used her to teach me what real love feels like.

Platonic love. Healthy love. Reciprocal love.

And I needed that.

I needed to be pulled away from the chaos to learn what connection was supposed to feel like.

Delayed Obedience Is Still Disobedience

This podcast did not come from a sudden idea.

God told me to do this a long time ago.

I delayed, avoided, disobeyed.

Delayed obedience is still disobedience.

And I have had to ask forgiveness for that.

But over the last few months, God made something very clear to me.

I had to decide.

In or out.

The Moment God Got My Attention

This is the part that scared me.

It felt like God said, “If you want Me to leave you alone, I will.”

And something in me panicked.

Because as much as I had pushed Him away, I did not want a life without Him.

So I said yes.

I stopped running.

I finally chose obedience.

That is the origin story of Me and Jesus. Not just the podcast. The whole thing. The website. The future projects. Whatever God chooses to do with it.

This is not my business.

This is His.

I am just the conduit.

A Prayer for You

Father, thank You for not giving up on me.

Thank You for pursuing me when I ran.

I pray over every person reading this, whether they find it today or years from now. I ask that Your presence would invade their life in the gentlest, most undeniable way.

Give them a hunger for Your Word. Not a hand-me-down faith, but a real relationship.

Give them fire for the hard seasons, and give them rest when You call them to rest.

Heal what needs healing. Restore what has been broken. Remind them they are not alone.

Thank You for what You have done, what You are doing, and what You will do.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

If This Resonated

If any part of this story felt like your story, I want you to know I am proud of you for being here.

And even more importantly, He loves you. He is proud of you. And He is not done with you.

You do not have to have it all figured out.

You just have to stop running.

And come home.