Culture treats marriage like a performance evaluation, while Scripture treats it like a covenant stewardship. And a lot of people really do treat it like one side does X and the other does Y, and if X isn’t done well enough, then one person has the right to be angry. It’s all a bit ridiculous honestly.

The goal of marriage isn’t perfection. It’s partnership and purpose.

When we talk about stewarding marriage, we’re talking about managing something sacred that doesn’t even belong to us. It belongs to God.

Here’s some insight:

Before I get into this, I need to make something really clear: I’ve been married for less than a year at the time of writing this. So I’m not going to sit here and act like I’ve unlocked some secret and figured it all out. One of the things that drives me absolutely nuts is newlyweds who talk about marriage like they’ve been given all the answers. I’m not doing that.

What I am going to do is talk about what the Bible says. And if you’ve been married longer than me, or longer than I’ve been alive, please take everything I say with a grain of salt and bring it back to the Word. Don’t believe a single thing I say. Take it all back to Scripture, always.

Also, if you’re single, this is for you too. I should lead with that more often. Understanding this stuff before you’re in a relationship is such a gift. I was single for almost ten years (I’m divorced, and that’s a story for another day), and during that time, God was doing a serious work in me. For the full year before I even met my now-husband, the Lord had me learning these exact things. So don’t skip this just because you’re not married yet.

The Theological Foundation: Ephesians 5:21-33

Okay, let’s get into it. We’re starting with a hefty passage, but it’s important. Ephesians 5:21-33 (ESV):

“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself… Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

There is SO much here. I could genuinely talk about this forever.

What I really want to highlight is that the entire passage is rooted in mutual submission. And a lot of us get stuck on that word submit because, let’s be real, it’s been taken out of context in a lot of ways for a long time. Please go study this. Look up the actual Greek word. Look at what Paul was saying and who he was saying it to. We don’t have time to go deep on that today, but it matters.

What I do want you to understand is that the theological foundation of marriage is reflecting Christ and the church. And the things we’re called to do in marriage? We’re not called to do them because the other person deserves it. We’re called to do them because Christ called us to. Because we do things to glorify God, not to earn it from each other.

I am not talking about abusive relationships.

God does not approve of, nor allow, abuse in marriage or any relationship. That is made clear in Scripture over and over again. I say this as someone who was in the abusive relationship cycle from the time I was 12 until I was 21, and then got trapped in a lot of unhealthy and toxic relationships after that. God does not approve of abuse. If you’re in an abusive situation, yes, submit it to God, and go seek wise counsel. Get help. I don’t say that lightly, and you shouldn’t take it lightly either.

Serving One Another as an Act of Worship

Mark 10:43-45:

“Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

And Philippians 2:3-5:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

Jesus redefined greatness through service. The world measures greatness by power. The kingdom measures it by humility. And Philippians calls believers to consider others more significant than themselves. That is the posture marriage requires.

Serving your spouse is not weakness. It’s Christ-like strength.

I don’t see this talked about enough. This is something I’ve always struggled with, and even more so now that I’m married. Wanting to serve my husband, going under his leadership, it honestly feels wrong sometimes. It feels like I’ve thrown in the white flag. Like I’ve lost something.

And that feeling comes from a real place. I was hurt by so many men for so long that I decided I would never do that again. Never submit to another man. Full “I don’t need no man” energy. So now when I do these things, it can feel like weakness. Like I’ve given up.

But that’s just not true.

I’m not going to spend too long here, but I want you to know: if you feel that way, you are not alone. It’s hard work to unravel trauma. It’s hard to release the wounds we’ve been carrying. But God ain’t done with you yet. I never thought I’d be in a relationship again, let alone marriage. God has done a whole work in me, and I promise He’s going to do that in you too.

And this doesn’t mean enabling sin or ignoring healthy boundaries. What it means is choosing humility over entitlement.

Marriage becomes unhealthy when both people are asking: What am I getting out of this? Why should I do that? What about me? That becomes toxic. Marriage becomes strong when both people ask: How can I love and serve well?

Partnership and purpose matter so much more than individual comfort. Marriage works best when both spouses are aligned toward something larger than themselves. Faith, calling, family, mission.

My poor husband does not have a romantic wife, y’all. I’m not somebody who is fawning over herself. Why did I marry him? Because God said so. Why did I even say yes to dating him? Because God said so.

Trust God

We’re also long distance. He’s in the UK. Why the Lord did this, I genuinely don’t know, but this has been really, really, really hard. The only thing holding me together is that the Lord said so, and therefore the Lord’s got it. I don’t have to like it or even have to want it. I just have to trust God.

Something my husband used to say a lot was that he wasn’t going anywhere. And eventually I got to a place where I thought, honestly? Whether you leave or don’t leave isn’t my problem. I don’t have to trust you. I just have to trust the Lord. And that was actually freeing. It created space for me to actually learn how to trust and love him.

Questions to sit with:

• How often do I approach marriage from a posture of service rather than scorekeeping?
• Am I focused on what I deserve or on how I can love well?
• Bonus: Am I doing my part in marriage for the Lord, or for what I can get out of it?

Stewarding Communication, Intimacy, and Forgiveness

James 1:19:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”

I am so convicted by this verse. I need to get it tattooed on my hand so every time I go to facepalm myself, I see it. Your girl is not quick to hear and slow to speak. I am very quick to speak and real slow to hear.

Ephesians 4:29-32:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear… Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

And Colossians 3:13:

“Bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Okay. Communication in marriage requires listening before reacting.

And I know what you’re thinking: Karleigh, you said we were going to talk about intimacy. What does that have to do with intimacy?

Everything.

Communication is connected to Intimacy

When was the last time you wanted to be intimate with someone you weren’t talking to? If you’re someone who can continue to be physically intimate while you’re angry with your partner, I want you to know it will be about five billion times better when you’ve actually communicated. When you’re not angry. When you’ve actually connected. I’m saying that as someone who has, unfortunately, a lot of experience with the opposite.

Words either build or erode trust. How we communicate outside of the bedroom absolutely affects the bedroom. Men get a lot of advice about what to do if they want a more interested partner, but nobody talks about it the other way around. Women love physical intimacy. God designed us to. But we’re often wanting things we haven’t communicated, or we’re withholding out of anger, or giving the silent treatment.

All of it matters.

Paul in Ephesians calls believers to speak words that build up and put away bitterness and harsh speech. If you’re someone who always has to have the last word, who always needs to get that final dig in, I’m looking directly at myself here because that’s me. We are poisoning our marriages. I’m saying that as someone who is healing from exactly that. It comes from trauma. It comes from fear. And it’s on us to do the work.

And Colossians 3:13 is clear: forgiveness is not optional. We are to forgive as Christ forgave us. I would literally be here for an hour and a half just talking about daddy issues. So I get it. I’m not minimizing anything. But if you believe the Bible to be true, you are called to forgive. That doesn’t mean excusing abuse. It doesn’t mean allowing harmful behavior or continued proximity to someone unsafe. But forgiveness is still the call.

Forgiveness prevents resentment from quietly destroying connection. It doesn’t mean pretending problems don’t exist. It means releasing the debt and refusing to weaponize past failures.

Questions to sit with:

• Are your words building your spouse up or slowly tearing them down?
• Do you address conflict honestly or do you store resentment?

Staying Spiritually Connected

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!… A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

That threefold cord is you, your spouse, and Christ. You’re not supposed to be doing this alone.

Matthew 6:33:

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

And Hebrews 10:24-25:

“Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.”

When both spouses prioritize God first, the marriage is ordered correctly. Hebrews calls believers to stir one another toward love and good works, and that applies directly inside the marriage. Spiritual connection grows through shared practices: praying together, studying Scripture together, speaking truth when one person is struggling.

Marriage should strengthen your walk with God. Not compete with it.

Questions to sit with:

• Do you guys encourage each other spiritually?
• Are you moving toward God together, or drifting apart?

Marriage as a Stewardship Assignment

1 Corinthians 10:31:

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

Psalm 127:1:

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”

Everything believers do should glorify God. Everything. That includes marriage. And anything built apart from the Lord is unstable. Marriage is no exception.

Healthy marriages don’t happen accidentally. They’re cultivated through humility, communication, forgiveness, and shared faith. Marriage is not about flawless performance. It’s about faithful partnership.

When two people commit to serving one another, forgiving quickly, and pursuing God together, marriage becomes something far deeper than just a relationship. It becomes a living picture of the gospel.

A Prayer to Close

Heavenly Father, thank you for this opportunity to sit in Your Word together. I pray that You give us humble, servant hearts toward our spouses. Help us to show them Jesus. Help us to outserve them, to bring wisdom and grace to our communication, and to bring healing where forgiveness is needed. I thank You for the marriages You’re healing, the marriages You’re going to bring about, and the freedom You’re about to bring. Thank You for all You’ve done, all You’re doing, and all You will do. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If you made it to the end of this, I want you to know I’m genuinely proud of you. This stuff is hard. It’s convicting. And it’s so worth sitting in.

Ready to start?

If you’re ready to stop just consuming content and actually start doing the work of stewarding your life well, come join us in the STWRD Collective. It’s a community of women who are done with the surface-level stuff and ready to actually live the life God called them to. Bible studies, community, and real conversation. I cannot wait to see you in there.

Find me on Instagram at @karleighwalkswithjesus or reach out directly at karleighwalkswithjesus@gmail.com.

I love you. God loves you. Now go get in your Bible.

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