I feel like I could spend forever in John 4:1-45. Seeing how Jesus interacts with the Samaritan woman is just so beautiful. But not only that, when you understand the cultural norms at the time, the nuances of the conversation. The true beauty of the conversation gets clearer and clearer.

I’ve spoken about the Samaritan woman before on how her testimony changed so many lives. For more context on who the Samaritan woman was, go read that post. Assuming that you’ve already read it, let’s dive in.

The Way Jesus Spoke

Today I’m going to focus on how Jesus spoke to her and why. This is a message that far too many Christians have missed. I believe that if we are truly to be like Jesus, we need to emulate Him in how He speaks.

In the last post we learned that Jesus’s human-self was tired and needed a drink, but He put that aside because He cared more for the woman than He did Himself.

The first thing He says to her in verse 7 is “give me a drink.” This shows so many things. Yes, His human body was thirsty. But in this moment He showed how much He cared for her. Jesus cares about her more than He cares about social norms or about what other people would think. He put her over Himself in more ways than one.

Her Response

Her response to Him in verse 9 is “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?”

Now what happens next in how Jesus responds really blows my mind. I’m such a chronic over-explainer to the point that it’s a problem. I talk myself into circles and have had to learn how to pull back. Even on the Me and Jesus podcast where I’m supposed to talk and explain, I have to lean on the Holy Spirit for guidance because over and over again I would find myself talking in an unnecessary circle.

Jesus Doesn’t Address It

Instead, Jesus doesn’t even address the differences in their origin. He gets straight to the point in verse 10, (paraphrased) “if you knew the gift of God and who’s asking you for water, you would’ve asked a better question.”

I LOVE this. Jesus doesn’t get into an argument or talk about how the separation between the two shouldn’t be that way. He just gets to the point. I also am noticing, too, that He takes nothing personally. He knows that her soul is more important than her attitude or what she thinks about him. Now in this case, we understand that she SHOULD think and believe and KNOW that He is Jesus Christ and the Messiah. But this is also such a great lesson for us.

When it comes to sharing Christ, it’s not about us.

It’s not about what others think about us. Neither is it not about defending ourselves or God or Christ. It’s about sharing the love of Christ, planting that seed and letting God do the rest.

If we are going to be successful in telling the world so they’ll actually hear us, we have to take pride out of it, we have to let go of their opinions of us altogether and realize that God’s opinion matters far more. 

Continuing on in this passage, she tries to start a religious argument and Jesus refuses to get involved. He doesn’t care about religion or any of that – He cares about her soul.

What I love the most coming up is where I think most Christians, myself included, have missed the mark.

He didn’t bring up the men she was sleeping with until she was ready.

He didn’t start the conversation with “keep your pants on and get it together.”

No. He softened her heart first, He made her curious, He gave her something to think about and then began to call her up gently.

In verse 16 He tells her to go get her husband in in 17 she tells him she has none.

In 18 He says “you’re right, you’ve had five husbands and the dude you’re living with now ain’t your husband.” (paraphrased obviously – how funny would it be to read ‘dude’ in the Bible?)

That’s when the woman stopped in her tracks and realized that there was more to this man than met the eye.

If Jesus would’ve started with that, she would’ve assumed He was only there to judge her, that He had somehow heard from someone about her.

It’s because of His kindness, empathy and compassion that kept her from getting defensive and angry. He allowed her to open up to Him slowly and at her pace.

He didn’t water down the message or minimize it. What Jesus did was care about her personhood first and knew enough to know that how he talked mattered.

Believers, this is a message we need to take to heart.

We need to lead with love first. We need to understand that people are people and we are supposed to care about their emotions.

I’m tired of this narrative of ‘tough love’ without the love. I’m very much a tough-love kind of person. I will deal it to you straight because I love you way too much to let you stay stuck. But we have too many Christians leading with the ‘tough’ and throwing out the love altogether because we have a desperate need to be right.

Friends, we don’t need to compete with the world.

We don’t need to defend God or ourselves. He can do that well enough on His own. We need to share the love and truth of Christ in a real and loving way. Cruelty and being judgmental and then being surprised that people think God is the same is ridiculous.

We HAVE to lead with love FIRST.

If you’re ready for your words to sound more like Jesus, let’s grow together.

I host a live Bible study every Saturday where we dig into the Word, get real about our struggles, and ask God to shape our hearts and our mouths.

Click here to join us we’d love to walk with you.